Another round of potions on me
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Alright so we all know that during an advanced potions cause at Hogwarts the students learn about Amortenia. Slughorn had decided that his potions protigy, Lily Evans would be sure to help out James Potter, who was only taking potions because it was mandatory for an auror. So here we have Lily Evans and James Potter leaning over a finished cauldron of amortenia togethor.
“I can’t smell a damn thing!” - James
“Impossible! I’m 110% sure I got this right.” - Lily
“Well obviously not.” - James
“Well perhaps I could actually to smell something if you didn’t use buckets of conditioner this morning.” - Lily
“I wouldn’t be one to talk, the amount of rose perfume you are wearing is giving me an asthma attack.” - James
They continue like this for ages and the class slowly loses their shit.
That is until Lily realised that she ran out of her rose perfume last week and that James hadn’t showered that morning since Sirius was hogging the bathroom.
Lessons I have learnt since:
1. Don’t let the country bumpkin who slep 100 years out on the open fields on his own.
2. You just shouldn’t EQUIP metal in thunder, you can still keep it in your bag.
3. Flame potions only work if you drink them BEFORE everything is on fire.
If you ever feel sad just remember that Snape had to teach Luna potions too
Snape: What…are you doing, Miss Lovegood?
Luna: I decided not to make this potion, Professor. It has bad energy.
Snape: You…what?
Luna: Bad energy. Bad. But I revitalized this flower for you from the ingredients and you can put it in your hair.
Snape: …..
Luna: I think it would look very nice on you. Keeps away the Wrackspurts, you know.
Snape: *awkward slides away*
a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
no no no!
Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior
Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*
GR: What’s going on?
Neville: *explains how he messed up*
GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.
Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*
Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.
He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.
nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.
Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar!
Slughorn: It was a stressfu-
Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!
or
Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme?
Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor.
Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you?
Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich?
Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are.
Okay, now I can reblog it!
I never understood in Harry Potter how Harry was so passive and fell asleep in class I mean sure maybe Ron cause he’s grown up with it but living 11 years of your life in muggle school and then getting to learn about THE HISTORY OF MAGIC AND MAKE POTIONS AND SPELLS AND HOW IS THAT POSSIBLY BORING HARRY YOU FRUSTuRATE ME
This explains Hermione.
Things that should exist:
~magic
~time travel
~fictional characters
~superpowers
~talking pets
~magic potions
Things that shouldn’t exist:
~supremacy
~rape
~murder
~sexism
~homophobia
~racism
It is inspiring to know that over 1,000 people believe in the same ideology.
my fave thing is when draco always teases harry like “you smell like you’re still in middle school potter honestly get some new cologne”
and harry tries to get new cologne and malfoy scrunches his nose and shakes his head and says “that’s worse! did you steal that cologne from weasley ew”
and harrys like “im gonna smell so good fuck that guy” and steals a vial of amortentia out of the potions classroom and he rubs it all over himself
and everyone around him is asking what cologne he’s wearing and sniffing the heck out of him but harry walks straight up to malfoy and asks how he smells today
and he goes “you still smell exactly the same what is it”
and harry looks confused at first
and then
oh
Things that should exist:
~magic
~time travel
~fictional characters
~superpowers
~talking pets
~magic potions
Things that shouldn’t exist:
~supremacy
~rape
~murder
~sexism
~homophobia
~racism
It is inspiring to know that over 1,000 people believe in the same ideology.